October 31, 2012

From time to time I receive campaign mail which seems to assume that I am a Republican. I’ve sometimes attributed that to my address, which has been in Republican districts. However, it must be more than that; now I am "one of America’s most notable Republicans." I know that because a letter from Mitt Romney tells me so. Now, one of us is confused, and I think I can say without much chance of error that it’s Mitt.

Mitt tells me in this letter that he’s running for President. I suppose there are people unaware of that, despite his years-long campaign, but would a notable Republican not know? Never mind; Mitt also wants to tell me why he’s running. Here it is: "I believe in America." As a reason for wanting to be POTUS, that’s a little vague, but there’s more: "I am sick and tired of BIG GOVERNMENT." Mitt isn’t sick of run-of-the-mill big government; he’s sick of the capitalized form, so maybe ordinary big government would survive: you know, like a massive military. Mitt is running "to bring true and lasting fiscal discipline to Washington." Fiscal discipline would seem to preclude cutting taxes and spending more on the military, but perhaps "true" discipline somehow gets around that.

The bottom line is that Mitt wants me to join "Romney Victory" a group "100% committed to defeating President Obama . . . ." That does seem to be the entire platform.

Mitt advises me that the "first $5,000" of my donation will go directly to Romney for President, and that the maximum contribution is $75,800, which is useful information because, as a notable Republican, I might have been tempted to give more. If I pony up $5,000, I will be offered exclusive updates and will be connected to a dedicated Romney Victory staff member who will stand ready to assist me with up-to-the-minute election information. I wonder if that would include explaining what, after all the flip-flops, Mitt really stands for, if anything.